


My Love, He Makes Me Feel Like Nobody Else

by RegularGatsby



Series: New Rules [1]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Angst, F/M, I don't really know?, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 12:29:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14284941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RegularGatsby/pseuds/RegularGatsby
Summary: It’s obvious that Even wants him, that he absolutelycraveshim, but that’s not where it ends, or where it started.The thing is, Even admires Isak. From the minute he met him, he’s seen this boy for what he is - he's a fucking storm, unpredictable and powerful. As he’s gotten to know him better, he recognises that although he's a force to be reckon with, he's actively trying not to be, trying to dim himself - the world is his to take if only he would ask for it, but he never does. He doesn't want it, because Isak has grown to become someone who wants to observe and learn about the world, not tamper with it. Not anymore, at least.___Or, Isak and Even meet at a party, and are exactly what the other needed.





	My Love, He Makes Me Feel Like Nobody Else

**Author's Note:**

> so apparently i only know how to write when i haven't slept in 24hrs but what can u do ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> I hope you like it, lemme know if i messed up anywhere cause i probs did lol 
> 
> :)
> 
> edit 13/4: the ending felt off so i added a couple more lines, plus stuff here and there in the middle. idk im a mess man.

 

They're at a party, and somehow they've found themselves alone. Again. Like always.

The bathtub porcelain isn't the most forgiving on Even's back but it's the last thing on his mind when he's got his love sitting opposite him, red snapback and all, with his eyes closed, head tilted back letting the smoke float out of his mouth without much effort to actually exhale.

Maybe it's the joint he smoked the majority of before they lit this one - weed is almost always their third when they hang out, a buffer they still pretend to need - but Even doesn't think there is anybody else in the world who could make him feel the way Isak does.

It’s obvious that Even wants him, that he absolutely _craves_ him, but that’s not where it ends, or where it started.

The thing is, Even admires Isak. From the minute he met him, he’s seen this boy for what he is - he's a fucking storm, unpredictable and powerful. As he’s gotten to know him better, he recognises that although he's a force to be reckon with, he's actively trying not to be, trying to dim himself - the world is his to take if only he would ask for it, but he never does. He doesn't want it, because Isak has grown to become someone who wants to observe and learn about the world, not tamper with it. Not anymore, at least.

With the smoke making the air and his mind hazy - party carrying on without needing them there, the only thing signifying its existence is the muted sound of heavy bass and shouts of drunken teenagers coming through the bathroom door - Even thinks he doesn’t need the party to feel alive just as much as it doesn’t need him, he would be content staying in this moment forever, alone with Isak, if this universe deemed him deserving of such kindness.

He could sit here in this uncomfortable bathtub, way too small for two gangly teenage boys to be squeezed in facing each other. It’s worth the inevitable aches to have this unadulterated view of Isak as he smokes, eyes closed, lost to himself and his thoughts, completely unguarded. A rare sight. To be able to witness it is a privilege, so to do it forever would be an honour.

Forever apparently isn’t on the table though because right then a loud crash sounds from outside, piercing enough to make Isak’s eyes pop open with surprise and the hit he’d just taken find its way out of his lungs in wracking coughs. If the crash followed by two voices yelling over each other clearly fighting about something inane wasn’t enough to do it, the coughing fit definitely breaks the calm of the moment. Even finds he doesn’t mind much because it’s hilarious and endearing in the stupidest way how indignant Isak looks when he finally manages to catch his breath, glaring at the door where the noise resounded from, as if it was the door's fault that he almost hacked out a lung.

Even looks at Isak with bright eyes and a chuckle, raising his eyebrows at him as he plucks the joint that’s just hanging loosely between the boy’s fingers now, an afterthought.

Isak just stares back at Even with a small smile adorning his face and shakes his head slightly as if to scoff at needless chaos going on outside.

Even just shrugs in response, taking a couple harsh pulls from the dying joint, trying to keep it lit. What can you do really? You can’t really expect decorum from a bunch of drunken hormone-driven teenagers overcrowded in a limited space, completely unsupervised.

It’s funny to think that this is sort of how they first met, at a party quite like this one, too many people, too many drinks, too many emotions. But that’s just how it goes, isn't it?

There's always a couple hearts broken, maybe a fight or two, and someone storming out with tears and alcohol clouding their vision.  
  
At that particular party, Even had been the one in a fight. Again. Lots of yelling and hurt feelings as always. Sonja saw him drinking a little too much and decided she couldn't keep 'taking care of him if he refused take his illness seriously.' He scoffed and told her that that's never what he needed from her. One hurtful comment in response to another and another ended with Sonja running out the front door and him turning away in the opposite direction towards the stairs, hoping to find an empty room where he could decompress before he walks over to Sonja’s house, as routine, to apologise about taking her for granted. She’d say she’s sorry for being overbearing but he’ll stop her before she can finish and take all the responsibility because he feels like that’s what he owes to her after everything he’s put her through. They wouldn't talk further than that, and tomorrow they’ll wake up pretending everything is fine and that they aren’t tired down to their very core, of each other and this charade they're keeping up, not really sure whose benefit it's for anymore.

Already lost to thought, working on autopilot, he began weaving through the crowd gathered nearby to eavesdrop into their not so private spat. They watched him like he would snap any moment as he walked away coolly. He had very quickly learnt to ignore the stares and whispers that followed him ever since he managed to ruin his entire life in the span of one manic episode.

Apparently, he was too lost inside his head, just focusing on getting away from the crowd, trying to look unaffected, that he hadn't even noticed the curly haired boy bounding down the stairs he was about to go up.

It was at the bottom of those stairs, on a deceptively insignificant night, in the middle of random houseparty, that he saw him.

When his shoulder was met with a force that left him staggering as the guy with wild unruly curls shoved past him, unsteady on his feet with a rather hysterical boy yelling after him from halfway down the stairs. A very beautiful hysterical boy.

There are moments in life that Even considers important when he looks back, but didn’t know were important when he was living through them. This was not one of those moments.

The first words he ever heard come out Isak's mouth were him begging Jonas to stay, just fucking listen to him, let him explain.

Jonas had turned around only for a few seconds, looked at Isak intensively, searching for something. Isak must’ve have seen something soften in his gaze then because he took a slow step forward but Jonas only flinched back, shook his head and proceeded to storm out.

There are some moments Even didn’t know were important till he was already looking back on them. This was not one of them. He knew it from the second he saw this stranger cave in on himself for a second and then school himself into looking so indifferent the next that it nearly gave Even whiplash; if he’d walked past him without having witnessed the last minute or so, he would never have guessed anything was even wrong.

It struck a chord with Even, making his brain scream, _Look at him, he’s like you! He’s pretends just like you!_

All his thoughts and heartache forgotten, Even ran up the stairs into the corridor where the boy had retreated to. The first door he opened was just an empty bathroom, and then a supply closet with a couple making out against the wall not even noticing him, he quickly shut the door and moved on to the next door right at the end of the hallway. And there he was, sitting on the ledge of an open window in an otherwise empty bedroom, smoking a joint.

The boy barely acknowledged him with a glance and didn't say anything as Even went and sat opposite him, offering silent companionship.

They didn't talk for the longest time. Even let his eyes roam over the other boy’s face who definitely must've felt Even looking but never turned his head towards him, instead stared unwaveringly out the window, the street lamp outside making the tears in his eyes shine.

They sat there without saying a word until the boy eventually finished and quickly proceeded to light another joint, taking a long pull before extending it towards Even.

It was a simple gesture but Even understood what he was being offered: an invitation to stay. 

Even reached forward and took the joint from between the boy’s fingers making sure to brush against them with his own in hopes of providing some sort of comfort.

They passed the joint back and forth for a while until there was nothing left to smoke.

The boy still didn’t say anything even after he’d taken the last hit and let the smoke roll out his mouth without paying it much mind. It didn’t look like he was paying anything much attention, his eyes had sort of glazed over.

The silence stretched on and without the joint as a crutch, Even took a deep breath and started, "I'm bipolar.”

The boy’s eyes widened a little in recognition, he’d probably heard rumours about him, the crazy bakka kid who went berserk, burnt down a library or whatever story everyone constructed about him that day, but at least it had caught his attention, at least he was listening to Even and away from his own thoughts.

When he didn’t do or say anything in response, Even continued, “My girlfriend and I just had a big fight because she doesn't understand that just because I'm mentally ill, doesn't mean I'm helpless.”

“And I know, okay? I know she’s only trying to help but she doesn't understand why I don't appreciate her trying to control my life, that I’ve lost so much of myself already and I can’t let go of what little bits of myself I have left. She can’t possibly know how I feel, yet she constantly tells me that she understands what I must feel like and what I need to do to not feel like that anymore. I haven’t even entirely processed everything that happened and everybody already wants me to move on from it!"

He let out a bitter laugh, lowering his eyes from the boy's face, instead focusing on a tiny hole in his jeans. “I know she’s trying, and that I should be thankful that she’s stuck with me even after everything I’ve put her through. I just don’t think we’ll ever be able to be happy again if we keep going like this.”

When the boy didn’t say anything still, Even lift his head up only to find that the boy had finally angled himself away from the window and towards Even, not really looking at him, instead staring right past him.

His eyes were beautiful, Even noted, expressive. Even could tell that the boy felt more than a little lost.

Then he rolled his lips in, as if debating whether to let whatever he was thinking slip through. Even's eyes tracked the movement - he had beautiful lips as well, Even was mesmerised.

"My best friend just found out I'm in love with him." He offered back eventually.  

Even’s gaze snapped up from his lips to his eyes, looking at the other boy with nothing but empathy.

He remembered his last manic episode, kissing Mikael, who, in return, had yelled out obscenities and words drenched in disgust. Even can conclude, now that he’s of a more rational mind, that they came from a place of panic and confusion rather than hatred. Even hadn’t known that at the time though, his thoughts moving faster than what he was able to comprehend. The damage had been done and the fallout had left Even more broken than ever. It all ended with the doctor telling his parents that their son was bipolar as he laid on the hospital bed staring at the ceiling, arm wrapped in white bandages.

He was never in love with Mikael, it was just a shitty mix of his sexuality crisis, mania, and his closeness to Mikael. Still his reaction had hurt Even to his core and Even wasn’t even in love with him. Unlike this kid, who was actually in love with his best friend, his best friend who had stormed off after finding out by the looks of it.

It made Even angry, it wasn't fair at all for that guy to just storm off like that. Actions such as that leave behind a scar that never quite heals, Even would know.

He relayed the first part to the boy who smiled slightly, more of a grimace really, and turned his head to look out the window again, a lone tear making its way down his cheek, his resolve breaking ever so slightly.

"He didn't leave because I'm in love with him,” the boy expanded, voice choked up, clearly holding back more tears, “He’s too good for that. He left because I was lowkey sabotaging his relationship with the girl he loves, one of my best friends by the way, because I'm an asshole who couldn't bear see them happy when I-" he cut off abruptly, sob stuck in his throat.

He cleared his throat once, twice, and continued, "I couldn't deal with my world falling apart so I fucked up Jonas'. He's the only good thing in my life and I hurt him because I'm selfish."

"So yeah. It was fair of him to leave - he should’ve done worse really - I deserved it. But you don't deserve feeling like what you feel isn't important just because your feelings got a bit too much before, at one point in your life."

So he probably had heard about him.

“You don’t know what she's had to put up with.” Even’s voice small.

Isak sat up straighter at that, flicking the finished joint they’d forgotten about out the window. He looked at Even, really looked at him for the first time that night

“It doesn't matter what she's done! It doesn't mean you have to feel how she wants you to. You can only feel how you do, you can't force it any other way.”

He had said it with such fierce conviction in his eyes that all Even could do was nod.

And that was it.

They sat on that ledge for ages, not saying anything until eventually the host came in and told them to _get the fuck out, party’s over_ , then proceeded to all but fall and pass out halfway off the bed.

So they made their way through the house together, out the door together, down the street together. They didn’t need to say a word as they walked with companionable silence, so easy and without any burden of expectation, a match for something that could only be born out of an age old friendship.

They walked until they reached an intersection and both took a step towards the opposite direction then abruptly paused; they looked at each other for a second, then the boy just shrugged, and looked towards the direction he was meant to go. Even knew then that this was the end of their little journey. So he nodded at the boy and began to walk away.

Every step he took, he couldn’t help feeling like he was doing something wrong - this wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

It felt like his heart didn’t quite sit right in his chest.

Luckily, a voice yelled after him, “Hey!”

He looked back to see the boy still standing at the intersection, not too far away yet, with a smile on his face that Even hadn’t seen during their entire time together. It was a real smile, with the streetlight illuminating the boy, Even could see the gaps between his teeth and how his eyes scrunched up as if genuinely delighted by something.

“What?” Even said, the streets were eerily quiet, nobody else there, just the two of them standing not too far from each other, there was really no reason to shout.

“I don’t even know your name!” The boy shouted anyways, uncaring, laughter clear in his voice as if it was now dawning on him what a strange experience all of this was. 

“Even! My name is Even!” He screamed back at the top of his lungs, because why not scream his name at the top of his lungs to the prettiest boy he's ever met at four in morning. _Why the fuck not?_

The boy let out a big laugh, threw his head back and clapped his hands together.

“I’m Isak.” The bo- Isak yelled just as Even was about to ask. He then threw Even one last grin and sauntered away, unconcerned, as if he did this all the time.

As if the whole experience wasn't remotely as monumental as it felt to Even.

He had never in his life opened up to someone as quickly as he had with Isak; never had he offered someone such a personal part of himself so readily as he had, without a second thought, to this stranger, not just to comfort him by sharing his own misfortunes, but because his entire being had immediately found solace in Isak's company. 

But Isak's nonchalance didn't faze Even much. In fact, Even's heart was more settled than it had been in the longest time.

The weight he'd been carrying around ever since he came out of his episode felt lighter. His heart felt lighter, and his body felt lighter as he walked home instead of towards Sonja's.

The night's crisp air felt refreshing. His mind completely at peace by the time he arrived home.

He let himself in. Took off his jacket and shoes. Tiptoed through the hallway, past the kitchen, past his parent's room, quiet as he could, and slipped in to his own room. 

It all felt so incredibly normal, like the days he used to sneak in, right as the sun was rising, after a wild night of partying with his friends; sometimes alone, sometimes with his hand firmly in Sonja's, leading, as they tried to suppress giggles and stopped to shush each other dramatically every time the wood creaked beneath them.

They were good before, him and Sonja. Everyone thought they would grow old together, be that odd couple from highschool that actually made it.

Everyone was wrong.

When he was finally under his duvet, Isak creeped into his thoughts again, along with the fact that Even might never see him again.

Regardless, he fell asleep with a smile on face.

No matter what the odds of it were, Even had a feeling that this definitely wasn't the last time he'd be seeing him.

 

He was right.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> comment pls im dying of sleep deprivation (unrelated but should be taken into account)
> 
> Tumblr [(x)](http://18and16.tumblr.com/)


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